EastGirlsWest

“Wow. It really sucks that you had to fly all the way back from the Holy Land and go straight to Costco.” - Tay, on Tuesday

That pretty much says it all. Of course, I’m tortured I only saw but one corner of the Holy Land, but it was an adventure. I mean, I didn’t ride on a camel or anything, but I did SEE a lot of camels. And Bedouin. Their tent dwellings are strewn randomly across the monochromatic desert hills. I also had to face up to my fear of heights for the sake of the perfect shot. Hello, stopped tram, hundreds of feet in the air, swinging in the wind. And no problem, steep stairs, dropping down a cliff face descending into nowhere. I am a glamorous, adventurous and brave television talent! I will traipse across the mountain smiling mysteriously while my head scarf stays perfectly in place!

I experienced a level of airport security in Tel Aviv that I didn’t know existed. Perhaps I had a bullseye on my forehead I was unaware of? After the 25 minute interview, in which I had to work extremley hard to explain what PBS is and how public television works, me and my carry on bags were sent to swab purgatory. Every single item in my two bags was removed, swabbed, and inspected. During this time, I was asked to turn off my laptop. Remove the battery. Replace the battery. Turn it on. Launch an application. Repeat. In between each round of this exercise, they would take the laptop away to some secret, out-of-sight room on the other side of the terminal. Leaving me to remain in the swab zone, silently hyperventilating because SOMEONE JUST WALKED AWAY WITH MY LAPTOP. Explaining how upsetting that is involves explaining how attached I am to my laptop, which is frankly too embarrassing.

They eventually decided to let me through the 5,627 additional layers of security and onto the plane, where I learned what the worst part of a 12 hour flight in coach is (hint: it’s not the legroom). My friends, I’m here to tell you the condition of the bathrooms after a half-day in the air are not fit for humans. Wondering why the floor is sticky? Let the distinct odor of the 3×3 space be your answer. How can that many people (and by that, I mean men) miss the toilet? It was NOT a turbulent flight.